There are, alas, all manner of bad movies out there. The ones that are so bad that they’re good. The ones that are so bad that they are a tedious slog designed to quell the will to live among its viewers. The ones that start out offensive and then escalate their assault on their audiences with a diabolical glee. The ones that wallow in their pretentious incompetence with an overweening air of condescension. And then there’s that rarity: the movie that is undeniably bad, but somehow, you can’t help but root for it. Right to the bitter end, and not just because of the inevitable teaser for a sequel that looms on the horizon (and in one of the three inter- and post-credit sequences. And thus, it is with MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, a frolic so set on giving its audience a good time that you know its failure to come though hurts it just as much as it hurts you.
I have no doubt that the people involved wanted to make a light-hearted romp through the hi-tech sword-and-sorcery genre, gently lampooning themselves while also making a fast-paced action film based on a beloved Saturday morning cartoon. And they came so close with a sweet and good-natured approach. That also describes Nicholas Galitzine as Adam, the future He-Man. He’s a fresh-faced kid with a winning smile and easy-going charm as he bumbles his way to his destiny on the planet of Eternia where the idyll died when Skeletor (Jared Leto, though you couldn’t prove it from all the prosthetics and voice manipulation) arrived.
We meet the 10-year-old version of Adam (Artie Wilkinson-Hunt), suffering the sure knowledge that he is something of a disappointment to his father, King Randor (James Purefoy). Sure, he’s a clever and thoughtful child, but he doesn’t measure up to the arms training necessary to rule the planet. His father may have given up on him, but not his trainer, Duncan (Idris Elba), the master of arms who demands shiny bruises and bloody noses from his charges yet also knows how to soften the blows of parental disapproval.
This all becomes moot when the ci-mentioned evil Skeletor invades Eternia in search of the Sword of Power so that he can be a god instead of a mere super-villain. Adam is whisked away to the safety of Earth, Oklahoma City to be exact, by The Sorceress (Morena Baccarin), Sword of Power in hand, with the firm instructions to not lose the sword so that he can return one day to save the planet.
Of course, the first thing he does is lose the sword. This leads to a life as an office drone toiling away in HR where his obsession with conducting online searches for the lost sword leads to a conflict with his boss, Suzie (Sasheer Zamata) and the consternation of his office mates. Never mind. Because, further of course, he’s going to find the sword, get home, and then proceed to fulfill his duty with the old crew from Eternia who are, to put it nicely, underwhelmed by their savior.
The biggest problem is writing that is cute rather than funny. Some humor lands, though, and that’s what is frustrating, provoking as it does the abiding hope that it will finally take off. You can’t fault most of the actors. Purefoy as a one-dimensional character finds a note of melancholy that reverberates nicely. Camila Mendes as Teela, Duncan’s warrioress daughter and Adam’s childhood friend, has a light irony that plays well against Galitzine’s gee-whiz eagerness to make good. It’s Elba, though, who towers above it all, forging scraps of a character into one that has emotional depth even when sparring with a battle robot (voiced archly by Kristen Wiig) that may or may not have tried to kill him. Then there’s Zamata, a Adam’s earthly boss, more ferocious with her regulation smile and barely concealed personality disorder than even Skeletor. She steals the film with less than 10 minutes of screen time that jolts the audience with delight at the display, and regret that this caliber of writing/performing couldn’t be maintained for the other two hours and two minutes of running time.
Every time a joke lands, as when Adam uses HR jargon to inspire his extraterrestrial troops, it’s a ray of sunshine, but sunshine clouded all too often by the ones that fall flat and then lay there twitching with regret. Also falling flat, a few performances that go very wrong and you ponder things like the decision NOT to allow Leto to go full camp in his iffy muscle suit and glowing red eyes, and your heart cracks just a little more at the waste of Alison Brie, as Skeletor’s hench-witch, portraying a waxwork instead of a moll leaning just a little harder into her kink
For fans of the classic cartoon, there is much to trigger waves of nostalgia, and the action sequences feature all the nifty hi-tech gadgets grafted onto Medieval culture that defy logic but are fun to watch. The violence is as bland as most of the dialogue, with sparks flying, fanciful aircraft zooming, and severe blows are endured by a variety of creatures. Noteworthy is the odd dearth of blood even as flesh meets its doom in all manner of ugly ways.
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE is mostly harmless and might be a fine introduction for little kids unfamiliar with the franchise (or the dreadful 1987 attempt to bring the superhero and his pals to live-action life). Here’s hoping the sequel rises above this initial stumble. I, for one, would be very happy for all concerned.
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